A proud son of the South Wales Valleys, Stephen Truelove is a mindset coach with 18 years experience, author of A Journey of Discovery and Self-Learning and developer of the Love Life Love You process – Breaking Limitations.
He has experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows of life and now works with people to tackle anxiety, depression, phobias and other limiting mindsets. Stephen Truelove shares his life story, advice and goals for the future.
You’ve counted every sheep on the hillside twice and three times over, yet your mind just won’t stop racing round and round – till you finally fall into a dead slumber in the early hours and can’t wake up in the morning. Or do you find it easy enough to drop off to sleep but then find yourself wide awake at 5 a.m. and totally unable to get back to sleep? Either way, you won’t feel your best at work or play.
Sometimes sleep problems can be resolved quite simply as a single issue. Other times working on anxiety or depression may put the sleep problem right without it even being mentioned. There are as many ways of dealing with this common problem as there are people suffering with it, so the first step is a chat to see what might be the best approach for you personally. In the meantime, try the free sleep download tape from our website – you may find it helps quite a lot.
What made you suddenly want to be a therapist after 25 years as an engineer?
There was nothing sudden about it really. It started when I was about 14, seeing my Mam unhappy because my Nan was dying and feeling helpless to make it better for her. Years later I realised that although we can’t always stop sad things happening we can help one another and ourselves to deal with the pain they bring and stop bad memories blighting our lives in the future. A decade of study and training later I took the plunge and set up my own therapy business.
You said last time that the heart of your way of helping people is the principle of Breaking Limitations. How does this actually work?
When we’re little kids, life stretches out before us with limitless possibilities. How confident we grow up depends not just on the things that happen as we go along but on the messages we take from them. Do life’s knocks generally just bounce off you? Or do you take things to heart and wonder what you did to bring them on yourself? Do you shrug off mishaps or do you agonise over how you made a fool of yourself, in your own eyes at any rate?
As we grow up we gradually add to our store of beliefs about life and ourselves resulting from our experiences. Sometimes these beliefs are exaggerated or even completely wrong, but they continue to lurk deep in our minds, shaping our behaviour long after the original experience has been forgotten. These are the limitations we need to sort out to have the best, happiest, healthiest life we can.
Did you have a train set as a kid? Mine was my pride and joy. The engine tick-a-tacked cheerfully along the track the way we all wish our lives could be. Now imagine that little kid with their little engine clattering along when suddenly they hear Mam and Dad shouting or crying. Is something wrong? Was it my fault?
A bad feeling comes on the scene and a sad carriage is added to the train, slowing it down not just for now but potentially forever. It doesn’t have to be a big thing – small things loom large for a five-year-old, who may also misunderstand and misinterpret their meaning.
How many sad carriages we carry is partly chance, partly the way we take things, but they can make life seem a very uphill struggle at times. Breaking Limitations is a way of uncoupling those sad carriages and freeing you up to be the best possible version of yourself. Sometimes we don’t even know how they got there, sometimes we do. Either way, we can move them off the track. A whole bunch may even disappear all together – you may just want to get rid of a fear of flying, for instance, only to find a whole lot of other fears have gone too. Or you may just want to stop putting things off, letting things hang over you rather than getting on with them, and find yourself free of a whole cluster of other unhelpful behaviours too.
The aim is not to turn you into a different person but to help you become the best possible version of yourself. How many kids are told by adults that they’re tone deaf or have two left feet? And how many adults avoid going to parties in case they’re expected to dance? I can’t promise you a career as an opera star or a first class footballer, but just about anyone can be a perfectly good social dancer or enjoy a good singsong. If someone told you when you were six “You’ll never be any good at X” the chances are they were wrong – but if they made you too scared to try, then as time goes on they’ll be proved right.
So how do we tackle those sad carriages that we’re unconsciously dragging along with us? We do it by using the power of the subconscious mind to reprogramme the inner voice that undermines our confidence, using whatever technique suits you best. It may be a therapy involving words, such as neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) or hypnotherapy, or one that involves a simple transfer of energy such as Reiki.
You may choose to deal with a particular problem such as shyness or insomnia or we can work on limitations generally and see what turns up. You may prefer to start off by trying a workshop rather than a one to one session, and you can change your mind at any time. Whatever feels best for you right now.
Upcoming workshops include Fear of Flying – make your holiday a more enjoyable experience from the word go – Anxiety Busting, and a regular series on Breaking Limitations generally.
Go to www.lovelifeloveyou.co.uk for upcoming workshop dates. There is also a family health and wellbeing day at Margam Park Orangery early Autumn.
See www.remember2care.org for more details. If there’s a particular issue you’d like to cope or deal with in the future, get in touch with Stephen at 07790003075 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Techniques Stephen uses include:
Hypnotherapy, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Emotional Freedom Techniques, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Emotional Coding, Emmett Technique, Reiki, Matrix Re-Imprinting.
Registered with GHR, CNHC and DBS.